*trust me, the title WILL make sense eventually. No one panic yet.*
Oh here there blog that I don't write on anymore because of many reasons. What's up? I haven't posted in a long while, so this post will be a sort of conglomerate of things stirring inside my brain. Things that relate to the above title.
I've been thinking a lot lately. I've been thinking about my life, my priorities, and my relationship with others as well as with God. It's a complicated situation, I tell you what. Most of this thinking was prompted by something one of my small group leaders say a few weeks ago. She was giving a workshop and said something that really hit hard with me: "YOU WILL NEVER LIVE A GODLY LIFE WITH A CLOSED BIBLE."
Wow. True, but heavy. Particularly heavy at my time of hearing it as my bible had been closed more so than it should have been. My excuse? I've been busy (...worst...excuse...ever... when talking about the God of the universe and the time I spend with him.). Too busy for God apparently. That is a scary place to be in.
After hearing that I began thinking about why I was letting busyness get in the way. What was so important? Simple conclusion: IDOLS.
No, I'm not talking about spending my free time with shiny golden figurines. I'm talking about the things that I was given my attention to instead of God. What you focus on, you worship, I've heard it said.Anything that takes you attention from God is an idol. And I realized I had quite a few of them hoggin' up my focus. Some of them bear resemblance to people in my life. One has green and gold eyes. Sometimes one looks like 52 white keys and 36 black.One is branded with the letters EOS60D. One's name is fourpointoh. One of them is called ME.
Idols can be sneaky little buggers. All the stuff I was letting take my attention away from God were (are) good things. Like school. School is a very good thing and doing well in school is good stuff too. But being so absorbed in school and reading assigned textbooks that I cannot open up my Bible and read that? Well...that is a problem. A stinkin huge problem.
Which brings me to my second point. ADULTERY.
Yes, I confess. I have a problem with that too.
(What whoa? Stick with me people while I explain).
God is my first love. He is supposed to be the center to all of my life. Anything else is supposed to be below him. He loves me desperately and is jealous for my attention. Which, as aforementioned, I am too busy giving to idols. In essence, I am a dirty, rotten adulterer again my God. And I'm a repeat offender. Daily I give other things the attention that should be His. Every day I find some way to tell Him He isn't important enough. At least not important enough to make time for. Over and over again I cheat on Him with stuff which is so much less important than He is-awesome stuff, great people, good grades...but all things that fall short of being the one true God. But still He loves me and is waiting for me to run back into His arms and spend time with Him. That to me is...amazing. Somehow despite my failings, my cheating, my short comings and all my mess my God loves me. Jealously. Always.
Thinking on this topic brings to mind the book of Hosea (in which God has a prophet go and marry a prostitute to prove a point about Israels relationship to their God.), the story of the Prodigal Son, and also a song by Derek Webb (the guy who used to be in Caedmon's Call, if that rings a bell...). It is called Wedding Dress.
Honestly, Webb isn't my favorite and musically the song is not that great, but LYRICALLY it is one of the most powerful songs I know. The lyrics tell of how we chase other things and in doing so, whore against God. Repeatedly. But His jealous love still never fails. The song is a bold, but true, statement. Every time I hear it I get pretty messed up.
Listen.
Read...
If you could love me as a wife
and for my wedding gift, your life
should that be all i’ll ever need
or is there more i’m looking for
and should i read between the lines
and look for blessings in disguise
to make me handsome, rich, and wise
is that really what you want
(chorus)
i am a whore i do confess
but i put you on just like a wedding dress
and i run down the aisle
i’m a prodigal with no way home
but i put you on just like a ring of gold
and i run down the aisle to you
so could you love this bastard child
though i don’t trust you to provide
with one hand in a pot of gold
and with the other in your side
i am so easily satisfied
by the call of lovers less wild
that i would take a little cash
over your very flesh and blood
(chorus)
because money cannot buy
a husband’s jealous eye
when you have knowingly deceived his wife
That chorus has been ringing through my head for weeks. I look at my Bible as I absorb myself in other things and I hear my God say, though I am a adulterous idol worshiper, "Bella...I miss you."
My new stance of priorities? I am NOT too busy for God. Because out of all the things, places and people in my life, only God can satisfy. Then and only then everything else falls into its place.
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